Spring

Spring has supposedly come

I'm reminded of the hymn we used to sing:

"What a wondrous time is spring, 

When all the trees are budding,

The birds begin to sing,

The flowers start their blooming,

That's how it is with God's love,

Once you experience it,

You want to sing,

It's fresh like spring

You want to pass it on".

Well, maybe when we can celebrate life,

Host and enjoy events and gatherings,

We will feel more alive

We are struggling,

As a community, as a country, as a planet

The pandemic is always in our thoughts,

It has affected so much and yet somehow 

Still seems to have done so little,

But that is just our skewed perspective,

We have to remind ourselves,

Of the facts and the reality.

As much as we want to break free,

We are resigned to following the rules,

We stick to the plan,

In the hope that one day soon,

Life will go back to have a deeper meaning

Physical contact is so important to human beings

We need to be hugged, touched and made to feel connected

We have a deep need to be recognised, and loved.

Thoughts

When I think back

To times gone by

I can truly say

You were by my side

My hopes and dreams

Were contained

In my heart

For You to cultivate

I tried to be faithful

Tried to persevere

Some stresses

Were too severe

I find myself wanting

To feel You near

To hear Your voice

Whisper in my ear

This year has been

A great test

To my self-esteem

I am trying my best

Each raindrop that falls

On my windowpane

Seems to beget

The hurt and pain

That comes with loss

Of those we love

The ones we know

Are with You above

Restore, redeem, renew

Make a way

For the lost to come

Into the fray

2020 - Turning 40 - COVID19 Pandemic

What a year!

We are in a pandemic

COVID19 

What a year it has been!

It is not over,

It will not rest,

Life has become sober

This is truly putting us to the test.

I write these words,

On the cusp of possible new restrictions,

Less social,

Less vocal,

Lest we forget...

A mid-life crisis would be forgiven,

For turning 40 in this world,

Is an anti-climax.

And yet, I know God will help me overcome.

He is the Healer, Provider, Majestic Lord

Who brought us through,

And will again,

I place my faith in Him

Happy memories to look forward to

Last year this time: Spring
I take this excerpt from a hymn called It Only Takes A spark

"What a wondrous time is spring,
When all the trees are budding,
The birds begin to sing,
The flowers start their blooming,
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it,
you want to sing it, it's fresh like spring,
You want to pass it on"

Let our light shine:

Let kindness bloom,
Let love prevail,
Let hearts decide,
To lift the veil

Let people cry,
Out for their King,
Let people know,
He's in control,
Of everything.

What time is this?
When darkness persists?
When hope gets smothered,
But not extinguished.
Let our light shine,

Please hold us close,
When we cannot hold others,
Please draw us to You,
When we draw away.
Please rescue us,
And help us to see the way.

Amen

What a magestic God we serve!
What an incredible Saviour He is
He came down to earth to save us!
Gave His Son to atone for our sins.
The most unselfish act if ever their was.

Yet society as we know it
Have slandered,
Squandered His Mercy and Grace
Let's stand in unity to bring the world back to normality.

I stand in awe
Humility and ask for forgiveness.

To my dearest Duncan On our 15th Wedding Anniversary - 28 February 2019

Dear Duncan...

What a delight
You are to me
My everything
My one and only

You are precious and kind
Loyal and generous
May God bless us
For many more years to come

I love you more than
Words can say
I love you more than
I can convey

New life, new beginnings, new expectations

A new life, a new day,
A new way, a new pace.
I love the trees,
The whistling breeze,
The flowing river,
Making it's way,
Through the valley.

Smell the fragrances,
Flowers in bloom,
Bees a buzz,
They seem to adorn the room :-)
Leaves are bright green,
Soon to fade,
To yellow, orange, red.

The Autumn scent will drift,
On the drizzling rain,
The pebbly river,
Will flow rapidly again.
The birds will sing,
And begin their journey,
To fly to warmer weather.

We have been blessed,
We have been given,
A new place,
A new haven,
A new way,
To rest, find peace and enjoy life :)

In Memoriam

In loving memory of my Dad,
Frederick James Trim.
It has been 19 years since you have been gone.
I  love you more than words can say.

I dreamed of you the other night,
The smell of your jersey,
As vivid as the daylight.

The kindness in the lines of your face,
The slightly crooked smile,
The creases around your eyes.

I sometimes look into the dark brown pools,
Of my own eyes,
And I see you looking back at me.

Miss you so much,
Forever in my thoughts and dreams.

That loving feeling

14 years
I can remember the day
We pledged ourselves
To love, cherish, help, hold, keep,
Be faithful to each other
Till the day we die.

You are my rock
My stability
I love you more
With each passing year

I marvel at how awesome it is
Each time I say the words "my husband".
And the feeling I get when you say, "my wife".

God has blessed us
With beautiful children
A happy home
I am thankful to Him

Reminscing continued...

The poems that follow were written through my high school years. I have always used writing to express my feelings.

True Happiness:
Where can true happiness be found?
Surely it is in the quiet call of a bird,
The monotonous sound of waves on a shore,
The cool mountain breeze, where is it bound?

The giving of love and all that is pure,
The living of life and all we endure,
In friendships and family ties,
Happiness found, if we are wise.

Why are we always trying to succeed?
If true happiness is all that we need?
And can only be found,
In the wondrous world around.

Let's make believe:

Let's make believe we're alone,
Make believe we're all alone,
Let's imagine that we're slowly travelling home.

Let us see a thousand winters,
Written in the snow,
Let us breathe a thousand summers,
The warm winds blow.

Let us run together,
In a field of yellow joy,
Let us sing forever,
The story of love.

Let us stand forever on a mountain high,
Let us build our foundations for a lifetime of joy,
Do you want to come with m?
All this to endure?

I'm not sure,
Of what I feel,
I'm not sure,
If this is for real.

I need confirmation,
So tell me now,
Is this what you want to do?
For I want it with you.

Reminiscing

These are a collection of songs and poems I wrote from when I was 10 years old until the death of my father at age 18.
Some of my Umhlali friends will remember a particular song - Rainy Days! :-) I will start by posting the songs and next post will be the poems.

Songs: 

Can it be True:
Sometimes, your heart reaches out to me.
And all my desire falls away from my heart x 2

Can it be that your'e the only one for me?

Take my heart
Take my hand
Take my life x 2

Because I live for you, can't you see it's true?
Oh, I love you
And I always will

Oh I love you
Yeah I do
In your eyes x 2
I can see
That you love me! x 3

Keyboard music - Rhythm funk 


Sometimes:
Sometimes my sense of love deceives me ________________
Sometimes my sense of danger leaves me________________
Sometimes my heart conceals me______________________
Sometimes your soothing words relieve me______________
And if my life was worse I don't know what could happen to me_________
But that's what I guess love is all about__________________

Chorus

Keyboard music - Blues, trumpet, One Finger ad-lib number 5

The day I wished for a moonbeam:
I wished for a moonbeam - but it never came__________
So now_ I always think of a moonbeam_______________
And I _____will always love you_
Be---cause the day I wished for a moonbeam - it never came____________
And you my love, always do___________

Honeybunch:
You were the first one to meet me
You were the only one to greet me
You always cared
So _________Oh babe, oh my honeybunch
You gotta be my honeybunch ----oooh _____oooh
Honeybunch----oooh _____oooh
Honeybunch

Rainy Days:
It's a rainy day_
It's a rainy day_
Rainy days keep coming my way_-_(Faster)
Chorus:
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh x 2
The rain keeps pourin' and I keep snorin'
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah x 2
Time goes by and the rain keeps coming down_-_(Faster)

Sing chorus again

Reach Out:
Reach out___Reach out and touch the sky
Think of all your dreams___
Watching them go by____oh__oh__

Reach out_____Reach out and touch the sky
The many things you've wanted
Have suddenly passed you by ___(High)

You can make all your dreams come true ___(High)

If you__Reach out___Reach out and touch the sky
Watch all your dreams go by

Your'e flying high in the sky, watching all your dreams float by___
You're flying with a wild wind as you fall through the sky_____

Reach out_____Reach out and touch the sky

Watch all you dreams float by______

Without you:

Without you, I would not be where I am today

Even though it's been so long

I wish you were here to stay

Chorus:

Without you, ooh ooh  x 2

We've been best friends all our lives

Why did you have to go?

Even though it's been so long

I wish you were here to stay___

Chorus:

Without you, ooh ooh  x 2

Someday we'll meet again

It may not be tomorrow

But even if we don't 

We'll always be, best friends.

Give me your hand:

Give me your hand

Give me your heart

Give  me your life

Give me everything I need

So, oh babe, babe, babe

You're livin' in my heart, in my heart_____

So___yeah__yeah___

No one knows x 2

That you and I x 2

Would ever be, what we want to be___

So babe

Chorus:

Give me your hand

Give me your heart

Give  me your life

Give me everything I need

Keyboard music - Reggae, One finger ad-lib number 5

Let's Dance:
Babe take me into your heart
Take me with all you' got

It's the only thing I want

Show me what, show me all you got

Take me dancing, dancing___

Take me to a disco (Disco, disco)

Babe I wanna go (Wanna go, wanna go)

Let's dance (let's dance, let's dance)

Dance the whole night long x 2

Dance to the rock song x 2

babe dance (Dance, dance)

Show me what you can do x 2

Then I'll show you x 2

Dance

Keyboard music - Disco

Flowers in the Breeze:

As the spring runs past

I think of you at last

The flowers are swayin'

And I am a layin'

Down beneath the trees

in a cool mountain breeze (Slow)

I know that in all my dreams

You're standing there, watching me(Slow)

As the light fades away

I'm sleeping beneath the trees

With the moon shining bright

I think of you standing there (Slow)

When the dawn breaks

I awake with the birds singing high in th trees

And my voice sings low in the breeze (Slow)

I hear a whisper in my ear

"It's not a dream" x 2 (Slow)

For if it were then I would not be standing here near  a cool mountain stream____________

Keyboard music - Country

A place i n the sun:

There's a place in the sun

(Where the lonely ones go x 2 )

If I find a friend

To replace a friend

Then I won't be a lonely one

There's a place in the sun

(Where the lonely ones go x 2 )

Take my hand we can find it together

If it all works out, we can be friends forever

There's a place in the sun

(Where the lonely ones go x 2 )

Now it's a place where friends go together

No more a place of lonliness

I can't describe my happiness

There's a place in the sun

(Where the lonely ones go x 2 )

We can go there, we share a friendship,

In the place in the sun

You raise me up

In the depths of my despair
You raise me up
Feelings of tumbling
Like being crushed by an ocean wave
You raise me up
You are my refuge

Keep your hand on me
Help me to see clarity
You raise me up
Above the calamity

When we place our trust in you
When we follow your righteousness
Placing each foot in front of the other
Keeping our paths straight
Then you raise us up

Loss

It has been a journey,
One I would have preferred
Not to have tread.

In my mind's eye,
I can still see him -
Dead.

Feelings are put into words,
Words into images,
Images forever burned in my head.

One day I will see him,
My Father, my Dad,
Those 'Words' will be said.

Breathe

The time to write, to breathe...
The time to sort through the muddle,
Of thoughts that reel.

Can I overcome,
Can I get over it again?
Breathe....

When the tightness starts,
When the light grows dim,
Breathe...

It's difficult to breathe,
It's so unmanageable,
Is there a lifeline?

Then I sang your songs,
You are Jehovah Jirah, my Provider,
Your Grace is sufficient for me.

The answer is so clear now,
I should immerse myself in the things of You,
I should immerse myself in Thee.

An irrational sadness

It suddenly overwhelms me,
It overtakes my thoughts,
This deep sense of loss,
That can only be equated to grief,
Something I felt when my Dad passed away.

This is what I feel,
When I realise that I will not have any more babies,
The decision seemed the best.
We have our 'Pigeon Pair',
So why do I feel this unrest?

Why do other women not tell you of this?
Is it a normal stage of life?
When you progress from one stage to another?
Does it ever end?
I pray God would fill this....void.

Inspiration

Sweeping hills caress the sky,
Animals roam freely across my mind's eye,
A place where dreams can fly,
A place to reach so high.

When I find that place,
I will have run the race,
I will have set the pace,
I will have won the race.

Inspiration comes to me,
I wish to use it sparingly,
To save some for every 'Me',
Across my years of life I see.

A palate so broad,
A slate so clean,
A brush to paint,
This life, a dream.

New Beginnings

It's 4 am and I am awoken by little Bailey girl,
She is our new puppy, full of life and energy,
Making me evaluate my life - sending me into a whirl,
Feelings I cannot fully describe, flood me.

Family having babies,
Making me feel sad, that time is over for me,
But I am glad it is over -  Am I not? Strange....
A sense of loss overwhelms me.

Where to from here? What has God planned for me?
Settling down, still to find that place.
Yet, at the same time, I want to travel, explore,
I come alive, when I am lost in an experience.

I love my husband, my children, my family.
I think this may be... an existential crisis....:-)

Winter

The days grow shorter,
The nights, longer.
Cold creeps up on us,
When we least expect it.

The trees get leaner,
We dream of fireplaces,
And roasting marshmallows.
And someone to cuddle up to.

This is Winter...
The icy wind,
Caresses your face,
The frosty rain,
Washes over the pain.

Missing the sun,
Wishing for the warmth,
Of a dreamy day,
When the sun kisses you on your way.

Dylan's growing up

My son is growing up.
So quickly he has matured,
From a chubby little baby,
To a lean, little boy.

He is so excited to start,
A new adventure at school,
But it breaks my heart,
That time is flying by.

I want all my children to stay,
Close to me,
Until the day,
They leave for the adventure of life.

He's been at school three years now,
I cannot believe that he can read!
He is so wise and intelligent,
He worries too much,
The age of innocence,
Will soon be lost :-(

Uninspired

Sometimes I feel lost, disconnected,

Sometimes disillusioned,

I know I should not,

That God guides my path,

With His mighty hand.

Why do we stumble, struggle?

Why do we have to endure hard times?

Well, it is a fallen world after all...

Yet in You we abide, oh Lord?

When we were young, 

Full of hope, full of trust, 

Now, how do we cope?

Let it out, speak it out.

Hold my hand oh God,

Lift me high again,

To see the promises you have made,

To see the plans you have laid.